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In the draft "Every American needs to go to the gym" the writer is trying to convince the audience why there is a dire need for gym usage among Americans. However, the essay seems to be based on the writer's personal experiences rather than representing the actual agenda why Americans need to go to the gym? The writer has clarified how does going to a gym has impacted his mental and physical health. It is understood that the audience addressed in an essay is teens and adults.

I am convinced that this essay lacks most of the essential elements of an argumentative essay. In fact, according to my understanding, the essay is missing a thesis statement which is thought to be a core of argumentative essay ADDIN ZOTERO_ITEM CSL_CITATION {"citationID":"z99Qgc5e","properties":{"formattedCitation":"(Lab)","plainCitation":"(Lab)","noteIndex":0},"citationItems":[{"id":199,"uris":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/CYUN7RTY"],"uri":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/CYUN7RTY"],"itemData":{"id":199,"type":"webpage","title":"Purdue OWL // Purdue Writing Lab","container-title":"Purdue Writing Lab","abstract":"The Purdue University Online Writing Lab serves writers from around the world and the Purdue University Writing Lab helps writers on Purdue's campus.","URL":"https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/purdue_owl.html","language":"en","author":[{"family":"Lab","given":"Purdue Writing"}],"accessed":{"date-parts":[["2019",11,7]]}}}],"schema":"https://github.com/citation-style-language/schema/raw/master/csl-citation.json"} (Lab). For example, the more suitable way to state a thesis would be like “There has been plenty of spare time for Citizens. It seems they are already wasting most of it scrolling on screens: tablets, smartphones, TVs. In reality, no individual or social group dedicates higher than 7% of the spare time to work out or to maintain physical health overall”. The introduction was supposed to have a good opening statement in a trial but it simply stated the new experience of a writer.

Moreover, it should have a proper background in an intellectual way. It does not address the issue, in particular, that seems persuasive enough to compel a writer to argue about it. The availability of information on the subject enables readers to analyze the issue being addressed ADDIN ZOTERO_ITEM CSL_CITATION {"citationID":"ADSPvuCT","properties":{"formattedCitation":"(Lab)","plainCitation":"(Lab)","noteIndex":0},"citationItems":[{"id":199,"uris":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/CYUN7RTY"],"uri":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/CYUN7RTY"],"itemData":{"id":199,"type":"webpage","title":"Purdue OWL // Purdue Writing Lab","container-title":"Purdue Writing Lab","abstract":"The Purdue University Online Writing Lab serves writers from around the world and the Purdue University Writing Lab helps writers on Purdue's campus.","URL":"https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/purdue_owl.html","language":"en","author":[{"family":"Lab","given":"Purdue Writing"}],"accessed":{"date-parts":[["2019",11,7]]}}}],"schema":"https://github.com/citation-style-language/schema/raw/master/csl-citation.json"} (Lab). Such evidence offers historical context which can be critically important to your point to be clarified and asserted.

No ethical concerns were addressed in the Essay. Some of the arguments that the writer made according to his perspective were stated vaguely. He says that by hearing the words related to the workout, teens and individuals believe that it makes you huge or muscular although it is not. The writer tries to convince the audience by first, stating essential methods of working out that involve different instrumentation which contributed to his mental and physical health. Secondly, he states that it is not difficult to overcome the anxiety of working out once you get used to it. The evidence is based clearly on the writer's experience rather than facts. Why would I start going to the gym just because I heard that it is not as difficult as it is thought?

In my opinion, stating the reason why Americans need to go to the gym would have contributed towards convincing the audience. The fact that American eat unhealthy that not only affect their physical health and make them obese, it also impacts mental fitness ADDIN ZOTERO_ITEM CSL_CITATION {"citationID":"mQ8LPjfK","properties":{"formattedCitation":"(PhD et al.)","plainCitation":"(PhD et al.)","noteIndex":0},"citationItems":[{"id":203,"uris":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/VTGW2GZL"],"uri":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/VTGW2GZL"],"itemData":{"id":203,"type":"article-journal","title":"Cultural aspects of African American eating patterns","container-title":"Ethnicity & Health","page":"245-260","volume":"1","issue":"3","source":"Taylor and Francis+NEJM","abstract":"The high mortality from diet‐related diseases among African Americans strongly suggests a need to adopt diets lower in total fat, saturated fat and salt and higher in fiber. However, such changes would be contrary to some traditional African American cultural practices. Focus group interviews were used to explore cultural aspects of eating patterns among low‐ and middle‐income African Americans recruited from an urban community in Pennsylvania. In total, 21 males and 32 females, aged 13–65 + years were recruited using a networking technique. Participants identified eating practices commonly attributed to African Americans and felt that these were largely independent of socioeconomic status. They were uncertain about links between African American eating patterns and African origins but clear about influences of slavery and economic disadvantage. The perception that African American food patterns were characteristically adaptive to external conditions, suggest that, for effective dietary change in African American communities, changes in the food availability will need to precede or take place in parallel with changes recommended to individuals. Cultural attitudes about where and with whom food is eaten emerged as being equivalent in importance to attitudes about specific foods. These findings emphasize the importance of continued efforts to identify ways to increase the relevance of cultural context and meanings in dietary counseling so that health and nutrition interventions are anchored in values as perceived, in this case, by African Americans.","DOI":"10.1080/13557858.1996.9961793","ISSN":"1355-7858","note":"PMID: 9395569","author":[{"family":"PhD","given":"Collins O. Airhihenbuwa"},{"family":"PhD","given":"Shiriki Kumanyika"},{"family":"PhD","given":"Tanya D. Agurs"},{"family":"PhD","given":"Agatha Lowe"},{"family":"Saunders","given":"David"},{"family":"MPh","given":"Christiaan B. Morssink"}],"issued":{"date-parts":[["1996",9,1]]}}}],"schema":"https://github.com/citation-style-language/schema/raw/master/csl-citation.json"} (PhD et al.). The emphasis on how work out helps in eradicating this issue would have been quite convincing for the audience to improve their mental and physical health. Work out reduces the risk for the number of medical conditions such as obesity, cardiovascular disorder, diabetes and cancer ADDIN ZOTERO_ITEM CSL_CITATION {"citationID":"VahY1VVA","properties":{"formattedCitation":"(Williams)","plainCitation":"(Williams)","noteIndex":0},"citationItems":[{"id":201,"uris":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/AHERC26C"],"uri":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/AHERC26C"],"itemData":{"id":201,"type":"patent","title":"System and method for a structured workout","authority":"United States","URL":"https://patents.google.com/patent/US20110137678A1/en","call-number":"US12/631,690","number":"US20110137678A1","author":[{"family":"Williams","given":"Michael C."}],"issued":{"date-parts":[["2011",6,9]]},"accessed":{"date-parts":[["2019",11,7]]},"submitted":{"date-parts":[["2009",12,4]]}}}],"schema":"https://github.com/citation-style-language/schema/raw/master/csl-citation.json"} (Williams). It stimulates the centers of the brain that are responsible for the release of neurotransmitters. It helps a person improve their mood and enhance memory and learning ADDIN ZOTERO_ITEM CSL_CITATION {"citationID":"RLRdReLA","properties":{"formattedCitation":"(Williams)","plainCitation":"(Williams)","noteIndex":0},"citationItems":[{"id":201,"uris":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/AHERC26C"],"uri":["http://zotero.org/users/local/CKNkWnK9/items/AHERC26C"],"itemData":{"id":201,"type":"patent","title":"System and method for a structured workout","authority":"United States","URL":"https://patents.google.com/patent/US20110137678A1/en","call-number":"US12/631,690","number":"US20110137678A1","author":[{"family":"Williams","given":"Michael C."}],"issued":{"date-parts":[["2011",6,9]]},"accessed":{"date-parts":[["2019",11,7]]},"submitted":{"date-parts":[["2009",12,4]]}}}],"schema":"https://github.com/citation-style-language/schema/raw/master/csl-citation.json"} (Williams). Although the writer mentioned that working out helped him cure his depression but he did not provide the evidence.

The essay is poorly written in the grammatical context and there is no flow in the information given. The paragraphs seem too disintegrated and the tone demonstrates informality. Sentences have a poor fragmentation and it seems the writer has forgot to proofread the essay. The conclusion doesn't point to the facts the writer made to prove his argument. There was no burrowed information since the essay was based on the writer's personal experience.

In a fair judgment, I would suggest the writer to work on the thesis statement and derivation of an argument according to it. The writer should learn to give evidence based on authentic facts to improve the style of writing with the use of correct grammar.

References

ADDIN ZOTERO_BIBL {"uncited":[],"omitted":[],"custom":[]} CSL_BIBLIOGRAPHY Lab, Purdue Writing. “Purdue OWL // Purdue Writing Lab.” Purdue Writing Lab, https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/purdue_owl.html. Accessed 7 Nov. 2019.

PhD, Collins O. Airhihenbuwa, et al. “Cultural Aspects of African American Eating Patterns.” Ethnicity & Health, vol. 1, no. 3, Sept. 1996, pp. 245–60. Taylor and Francis+NEJM, doi:10.1080/13557858.1996.9961793.

Williams, Michael C. System and Method for a Structured Workout. US20110137678A1, 9 June 2011, https://patents.google.com/patent/US20110137678A1/en.