There is always a need felt by the parents of the children to help their kids to get success in school. But how do failures can help children later in their life is the main thing that should be taught. Not learning to handle failures can make children vulnerable to anxiety in their life. Later in life when inevitable failure is on its course, along with it, mental problems come. And the most important thing that takes place is the courage to get back up after the failure diminishes in the children. There would always be failures associated with trying new things which means that innovation leading from the failure would end. That is why the great basketball player Michael Jordan spent his life preaching about the importance of failures. Unfortunately, as the pressure is mounting on the kids by the peers as well as the parents to compel their kids to make them successful in every possible way, more and more children are becoming disappointed on the smallest of the mistakes or misstep.
Clearly, frustration or distress tolerance is a skill that is very important in life to master. According to Dr. Amanda Mintzer who is the clinical psychologist in Child Mind Institute says that imperfection tolerance is sometimes more important in the learning process than whatever the real content of the subject is. The building skill set is crucial for the children to enable them of more success and helps them in leading future endeavors, whether the goals are related to academic nature or the learning process of how to effectively deal with the people. So the multistep process of teaching the kids to fail is as follow:
Empathize with the child, when you see that the child is in distress. Do not say to the child just that it is okay and I hope you will do better next time. It is not valid to brush the feelings of the child of disappointment and frustration. Instead, the language should be changed like it could be said that I know that you are disappointed, and I know that you have a desire to do better.
Presenting Self Model
It can be explained by the mentor to the children that failure is life’s part and all people see the failure in their life, and you are not an exception. Tell the children from your own experience that when you fail and do you cope with the failure. Instead of instilling the perfect mantra, try to show that success will only be achieved by passing through the modes of failure.
Make the Failure a Moment to Teach
When a child fails, it is the best chance for peers to teach failure acceptance and tell them the skills of solving a problem. Try to make children learn from the mistake so that later he could cope with the same sets of the problem in a better way. For instance, for parents, the question could be asked by them that could be studied differently or communicate with the teacher about issues he gets before appearing for the test?
According to Dr. Mintzer, It is an equilibrium state where acceptance and change are weighed. This is the real world situation where tolerance to frustration could be instilled while also recognizing that what possibly change in the future could be done in order to learn from this mistake?
Struggle in Letting Children Fail
It is not an easy task to let your children fail for the parents. The cultural influences and family pressure develops the natural tendency in us how we manage failures. Some of the people were brought in an environment where failure is an everyday occurrence while some people had few chances of failure. Fortunately, scenarios should not be created but getting out of the way is the core of this issue
Firmin, Michael W., et al. "Learned helplessness: The effect of failure on test-taking." Education 124.4 (2004): 688.
King, Lance G. THE IMPORTANCE OF FAILING WELL: An exploration of the relationship between resilience and academic achievement. Diss. The University of Waikato, 2009.
Rimm, Sylvia B. "Why do Bright Children under Achieve." Gifted Child Today Magazine 10.6 (1987): 30-36.
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