Revision Checklist

Obesity: Revision Checklist

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Abstract

The document is a revision checklist to identify the shortcomings that might be present in the paper.

Obesity: Revision Checklist

Subject, Audience, Purpose

Response 1

The main thing regarding my subject is that obesity is a worldwide issue and it should be properly investigated and given importance as it eventually becomes a matter of life and death. Proper measures can help save many lives and rid people of this culprit.

Response 2

The paper is for anyone who wants to find out more about obesity, how it affects our lives and how to save ourselves from it.

Response 3

As my subject is a major issue in developed and developing countries, and the health of all those affected is at stake, I consider it is necessary to address the issue which is also worth writing about. The reader would definitely find the paper worthy because it may bring a change in their life for the good.

Response 4

The verb ‘elaborate’ explains my aim as my paper tends to explain in detail the term obesity, how it is damaging lives, and what measures can be taken to avoid it.

Response 5

The questions 1-4 are not answered in the first paragraph as they are properly addressed in the abstract of the paper.

Organization

Response 1

Three main points have been addressed in the paper i.e. introduction to obesity, statistics regarding obesity, and finally steps involved to eradicate it. Some of the sentences related to the points have been repeated to further explain the other topic. No major points have been left out.

Response 2

I have elaborated each topic in 3-4 paragraphs.

Response 3

I have picked this order to first update the user on the topic of obesity, then highlight some statistics to strengthen my viewpoint, and then finally putting forth ways to lessen the problem. The order should not be changed as it properly creates the sequence for the user.

Response 4

I have arranged the paragraphs in such a way that the first line explains the content to come. At the start of the new point, the description is present which depicts the material to follow.

Paragraphing

Paragraph 1

It is an introductory paragraph to explain obesity, and following it are the stats related to obesity which explain the numbers based on the subject topic and are clearly narrated so the reader can easily identify. It took 2 sentences to develop the idea. The paragraph contains information regarding a single topic so it holds well with sentences of varying lengths and type with 2 levels of generality. There is no need for transitions as a similar topic is explained and it flows smoothly due to the exact reason CITATION Bil \l 1033 (Kirton).

Paragraph 2

This paragraph continues from the previous paragraph in explaining obesity through statistics and sets the tone for the next paragraph providing ease to the reader in identifying the idea. The start of the paragraph explains the main idea and thus is easily identifiable, taking a single sentence to develop the idea. The paragraph contains a single idea so it holds well with sentences of varying lengths with 3 levels of generality. There is no need for transitions and the paragraph has a smooth flow.

Paragraph 3

The paragraph has similar properties as the last one as it continues explaining the stats related to the subject. It sets a tone for the coming paragraph as the reasons behind obesity are explained in the next part.

Paragraph 4

This paragraph elaborates on the reasons for obesity and continues from the last in further explaining the stats and connects to the next through the same topic. The start of the paragraph explains the main idea and is thus, easily identifiable, taking a single sentence to develop the idea. The paragraph contains one idea so it holds well and contains sentences of varying lengths. 3 levels of generality are present. There is no need for transition and the paragraph has a smooth flow.

Paragraph 5

The paragraph has similar properties as the last one as it further explains it and also the following paragraph is its continuation. Other properties are similar.

Paragraph 6

The paragraph has identical characteristics to the last one as it further explains it and the following paragraph highlights what are the effects of the issues mentioned in this paragraph. Other characteristics are similar.

Paragraph 7

The explanation of the effects of obesity begins and acts as an introduction to this point. The paragraph connects to the previous by elaborating on the effects of obesity from the mentioned reasons in the previous paragraph. The same topic continues in the next paragraph. The starting line easily identifies the main idea for the paragraph for the convenience of the reader. A single topic is discussed so the paragraph is coherent with 2 levels of generality and varying length of sentences. The paragraph flows smoothly with no need for transitions.

Paragraph 8

The paragraph has similar characteristics as the last one as it further explains it and the following paragraph continues the same topic. Other characteristics are similar.

Paragraph 9

It further explains it and the following paragraph continues the same topic. Other characteristics are similar.

Paragraph 10

As the same topic is discussed further, similar characteristics are present.

Paragraph 11

The paragraph has similar characteristics to the last one as it further explains it and the following paragraph discusses the prospects of mitigating the risks people face as mentioned in this paragraph. Other characteristics are similar.

Paragraph 12

The ways to handle the issue have been discussed in this paragraph. The paragraph establishes a connection to the previous paragraph in elaborating the means by which this problem can be handled, and continues the discussion in the next paragraph. The starting line easily identifies the main idea for the paragraph for the convenience of the reader. A single topic is discussed so the paragraph is coherent with 2 levels of generality and varying length of sentences. The paragraph flows smoothly with no need for transitions.

Paragraph 13

The paragraph has similar characteristics as the last one as it further explains it and the following paragraph discusses the same point in detail. Other characteristics are similar.

Paragraph 14

The concluding paragraph provides a summary and is easily identifiable for the reader. It has a smooth flow with no need for transitions.

Sentences

Sentence 1 (Most Favorite)

“Obesity has been linked to a number of health complications, and its symptoms are regarded by physiologists and medical consultants as highly dangerous.”

Since the sentence clearly conveys the main idea and gives a glimpse of the information that is about to follow, it is my favorite sentence. Readers can easily identify the idea behind the sentence with no need for word substitution. I would not combine it with another sentence because it would lose the essence that has been developed. The sentence cannot be termed as “fat” and no substitutions are needed.

Sentence 2 (Least Favorite)

“Schools are considered as natural settings that can easily influence the children's physical activity and food environment”

The sentence lacks the sophisticated feel of the topic that is being discussed. The sentence does not fall in the category of being “fat” and can be combined with other sentences to make better sense. The reader can see the point explained but it could be better. The phrase ‘food environment’ can be exchanged with eating habits.

Things to Check Last

The spellings and punctuation have been checked properly. There was no issue with the last paper that I had to face.

The paper concludes with the summary and keeps the promise of explaining all that was necessary. Much of the important things have been covered so there is nothing vital missing. The best part about the paper is that it elaborates on a very pressing issue. More research would be my main goal during the next paper.

References

BIBLIOGRAPHY Kirton, B. (n.d.). Brilliant Academic Writing.